I’ve recently come to the slightly annoying awareness that I am a procrastinator. Ugh.
In my “before I was broken” world, to be a procrastinator meant you were lazy.
I’ve always shrugged the word but maybe I’ve misunderstood it.
Procrastinating means putting off or delaying doing something that “should” be done now.
After my breakdown, I had to learn in therapy to not overdo.
With time, I learned to really feel if I was becoming overwhelmed; and sometimes I had to reschedule or move around my responsibilities in order to avoid anxiety, depression or even another breakdown.
In other words, I had to learn to procrastinate, right?
That was almost nine years ago.
I have made an enormous amount of progress in my recovery.
I’m finally ready to do more, to bring on more.
But, now I’m wondering if I perfected procrastination so much that it’s a habit.
The past few weeks I rescheduled some appointments that my daughter and I had together.
Why? I didn’t feel good. I was tired. I had cramps. I was nauseous. She was tired. She didn’t feel good.
Should I have forced myself to go? Could I have? Because the appointments involved my daughter; I analyzed the situation and my behavior. I didn’t want to set this example for her. What was my problem? I asked myself is this a symptom of depression?
I googled procrastination and depression together. Of course they were intertwined. A kind of chicken/egg thing as Dr. Richard O’Connor describes on his website Undoing depression (http://www.undoingdepression.com/about-depression/quick-tips/procrastination ) “Depressed people tend to be great procrastinators.” But , “when we make ourselves face the task ahead of us, it usually isn’t as bad as we think, and we begin to feel good about the progress we start making.”
Dr. Bill Knaus says “In both procrastination and depression, you may avoid taking corrective action. For example, if you feel lethargic you may believe you don’t have the energy to take corrective actions. This pessimism is a catalyst for procrastination.” He makes a good point when he states, “If you are in a depressed mood, do you really expect to feel motivated and know everything about depression first?” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/science-and-sensibility/201004/end-both-depression-and-procrastination-now).
So, I guess my challenge is finding the balance between doing too much and not over doing.
Sometimes I need to motivate and make myself do what I have to. I have learned that showing up for life is half the battle.
There are other times when I need to take a break, to relax and listen to my inner needs.
Being aware that I have the tendency to procrastinate is the first step.
On goes the learning, the process and the healing.
Have a Great Weekend!!! 😀
I found these quotes right after I published this post; so I had to add them. They are from The Daily Love. com