So, today is my birthday. I am 46 years old. I have been in midlife denial for awhile but; I can’t deny anymore that there is a good possibility that I have more years behind me than ahead of me.
My birthday has always been a trigger for my depression.
First of all, it usually rains, although today there is snow on the ground.
Second of all, growing up I never had a birthday party. I mean I had cake and ice cream with my family; but never a birthday party with friends and the whole shebang.
I also got I.O.U.’s instead of gifts most of the time. My mom explained every year that with tax season and Greek Easter that she just didn’t have the money.
I miss my mom so much.
So yeah, I automatically get a little bummed on my birthday.
I beat myself up for getting depressed and tell myself not to be so selfish.
This morning I am trying to shrug it all off.
It’s not too easy. My daughter didn’t remember to say Happy Birthday because she is caught up in teen boyfriend drama.
My boyfriend did remember; but it’s looking like my birthday gift is a belated Christmas gift.
I have to spend the morning at the DMV renewing my license, then I have a few hours before I have to be taxi to my boyfriend and daughter.
Then I will spend the evening 4pm-7-pm at the Seacoast Mental Health Center for my daughter’s appointment and DBT group.
Well, there is my birthday bitch session.
On the bright side, the sun IS shining, I AM alive.
I HAVE people who LOVE me.
I WILL survive.
Like my mama used to say, “It can always be worse.”