Last week my therapist assigned me to ‘check in’ with my emotions daily. The reason for this is to be aware of and learn to process my feelings before they accumulate and I have an emotional meltdown (an every so often occurrence).
I’m used to blocking out my feelings. It’s what I did for a large portion of my life to survive. Now, I have to unlearn that pattern and learn a new one.
I bought a small notebook, and checked with myself every morning. By the end of the week I was scribbling in large letters….EXHAUSTED…SENSE OF DOOM…ANGRY. I’m not sure what was making me so anxious,tired or angry; but I didn’t like the way it felt. My therapist had said not to try and figure it out but to just jot it down and then work on it with her.
Tomorrow I see her, and hopefully will gain some insight. Meanwhile I check in with myself on a need to basis but haven’t been jotting it down, until I can move through the anxiety.
Unfortunately, I kind of shut down in my writing all together.
Today is the last assignment of the Blogging 101 course I’ve been taking. I feel sad and anxious for a few reasons. 1) I have never liked goodbyes 2) I feel I’ve failed because I am so many assignments behind.
If I stop ‘checking in’ so intensely and put the sad feelings aside; then I am able to peacefully check out.
I really don’t have to say goodbye because I am following blogs of many peers I’ve met and they are following me. It’s okay to stop beating myself up for feeling like a failure; because I can still make up the assignments.
Checking in with myself without the sad or anxious feelings; I can feel happy. I can reflect on how challenging and rewarding the past 30 days have been with my new blogging family. I can revel in the fact that I went from zero to hero! I can be proud. I can move forward and continue to commit to myself, my blog and my peers.
My goal is to ‘check in’ and blog once a week & ‘check out’ what my peers are blogging about.
I thank you all for this wonderfully emotional experience.