Second Chances

I want to thank all of you for your heartfelt support and responses to my post, My boyfriend hit me. 

I am deeply grateful for the concerns, comments and love I received.

It’s been two months since I wrote that post.

Now I write about Second Chances; but,

before our defensive hearts get in an uproar, let me explain.

First and foremost, the first weekend after our incident, I had my brother-in-law come stay with us, for emotional support and safety.

During that time, we all decided as a family, that safety was not an issue. My very remorseful and sad boyfriend was not (and is not) a violent person.

My boyfriend broke down and cried harder than I ever heard a man cry. He could not believe nor understand what he had done.

He implored for forgiveness.

My heart forgave, because I knew his actions were not him; but, my head could not forget, and I remained distant.

After my brother-in-law left, I stayed in the guestroom with my daughter, and continued with the idea that we would move as soon as we could.

My boyfriend started therapy and began opening up and talking about his feelings.

After many heart-to-heart conversations, my mind agreed with my heart, and I saw the potential of a second chance.

Despite his inability to process and express his emotions; he is a giving, dedicated, faithful and honorable man.

I evaluated our relationship and considered the facts.

1) The fact that my boyfriend actually hit me. This fact alone was nearly impossible to move beyond; especially because of my history of abusive relationships.

2) The fact that my boyfriend was aware of my past and broke this major boundary anyway.

3) I then compared with the fact that other than this incident; my boyfriend does not display typical abusive characteristics; such as, being verbally abusive, demeaning and/or controlling. In my experience these behaviors have been associated with abusive people.

4) The fact that he immediately sought professional help and shows a desire to improve his communication.

5) The fact that when we met, we connected on so many levels and thrived on the thought of being a team for life.

6) The fact that both my daughter and I love and trust him.

7) The fact that almost everyone deserves a second chance.

Weighing all of the facts; I am giving him that chance.

The fact that I had to confront many deep fears and anxieties to give him that chance; provided an unexpected healing in myself.

I believe just the words, second chance can stir emotions in anyone that has experienced pain. Many of us have given too many chances to people who were undeserving.

One fact outweighs them all, and I have made it very clear to my boyfriend;

He will never get a second second chance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Second Chances

  1. I’m glad that you have found a path thats right for you. I hope you don’t feel that you need to justify your actions though, your life and your choices are yours, and no one elses. Wishing all the best for your you and your fam 🙂

    • Thank you. I guess I do feel a bit of the need to justify; I’m not sure why, or even to who; but, in the end, I do know I have to make my own choices despite if I think they will be judged.
      Thanks for your support 🙂

  2. It sounds like you have taken time and sorted this out carefully. You aren’t acting impulsively at all. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best!

  3. Pingback: Just Sad | Labeled Disabled

  4. I read this after your previous post, so I’m a little behind the story. I’m not sure why you would class being hit as not being violent. That’s a bit of a mystery for me. I believe in second chances though, and I hope that you and your boyfriend have made the right decisions. I wish you both well.

    • Thanks for reading my story. I did not mean to state that hitting isn’t violent, only that he is not a violent person by nature. He is in therapy&has been sober since the incident. It will take along time before I can trust again. Meanwhile, living separately has been an unexpected beautiful experience. See my post (Update/I’m ok)
      Thanks again for stopping by&for your comment! 🙂

      • Gosh! I am glad we cleared that up about hitting and violence. If your partner is seeking help for the issues he has, that is good. I wish you both well for the future and thanks for taking the time to explain why you feel as you do. Stay safe!:)

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