This week in therapy, I will begin EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). I was supposed to begin it in the beginning of this month; but, I postponed because I wanted to enjoy the very last bit of summer without being overcome by painful memories.
Regardless, just the thought of EMDR approaching had forced those same memories to surface anyway. As a result, my physical health is suffering and depression looms over me. After discussing with my therapist, we decided to begin as soon as possible.
EMDR therapy is used to treat PTSD but it has also been known to treat other mental illnesses and addiction. I will have to relive past traumas and while I do, my therapist will instruct me on particular eye movements. There is also a machine involved that I saw in her office; but, I am not sure how it works. I only know that it’s time to finally release this pain and hopefully retrain my brain.
It’s been explained to me, that our body processes traumas and keeps those memories. When something traumatic happens, our brain takes a photo or a still frame of the smells, surroundings and environment. This flash memory later becomes what we learn are our triggers. EMDR will retrain my brain, so that when I have these memories my body won’t suffer as much. For example, I will be able to visit my home town without severe anxiety and fear.
I started learning about how our body has it’s own memories of traumas shortly after my surgery. Listening to my body hasn’t been easy. There are many wounds that are crying to be healed.
Presently, my anxiety is at a high level with EMDR approaching; but, the truth is that I am living in pain with my past on my shoulders. I am afraid to formally visit these memories; but, optimistic that I can heal, my mind, body and soul.