My Rollercoaster Recovery

recovery

It’s been a very long two weeks since my hysterectomy. Recovery has felt like a roller coaster. Moving through an array of pains, emotionally and physically.

After my surgery, my doctor came to tell me that I had had several spots of endometriosis and she cleaned them all out. My uterus and ovaries were sent to pathology. Because my surgery took a while, I lost a bit of blood but I wasn’t anemic. They kept me on iv fluids and kick ass pain meds for the rest of the day and night. I was released the next day.

The first few days, I felt remarkably better than I expected to. Last year, when I had my ablation, I was in bed for a week, flat on my back, unconscious. I was pleasantly surprised that this time I could sit up for a few hours and not feel sick or exhausted. My pain was managed pretty well, thanks to pain pills and anti-inflammatories. I walked around a little without too much discomfort. Walking is encouraged to avoid blood clots.

The third day, I felt sad, like my body was mourning. I expected this and began the grieving process before my surgery. Beginning last year, I had processed that I was letting go of my ‘womanhood.’ However, this sadness felt like it was coming from my other organs, missing their counterparts, like an estranged sibling. I tried to meditate and comfort my body reminding myself that this was for the health of my body as a whole. I also did some sacred womb meditation.

The fourth day I got a call from my doctor with the test results on my uterus and ovaries. Besides the ovarian cysts and uterine fibroids, I had endometriosis in my uterus and an overgrown endometrial lining with precancerous cells.  Needless to say I was relieved I had made this decision. It helped to be validated and I felt quite emotional.

I am also experiencing menopause because of the loss of my ovaries. I have an estrogen patch; but I still have had some hot flashes, mood swings and depression.

The fifth day, I was exhausted. My pain increased. It was hard to pee& an ongoing war with constipation developed. The next few days I was not feeling as good as I did on the first few.

The eighth day was my birthday! I was in pain and felt nauseous; but, I had no birthday depression!!!! I visited with family and friends, and though it was challenging, I felt loving and grateful. I made the huge mistake of having four glasses of wine.

The ninth day I spent puking up my birthday wine. I was terrified I was going to tear my insides! The whole day I was sick and in bed.

This second week, I almost feel worse than last week! I feel terribly sore, like I am all bruised, which I am on the outside, I must be on the inside too. My right kidney feels like I’ve been punched. My vagina hurts like hell. It feels like someone kicked me in the crotch. My incisions hurt. I even have phantom ovary pains.

In the middle of my second week I only had a few pain pills left and my post op appointment isn’t until Tuesday, almost a week away. I called the doctor’s office for a refill and some concerns of a possible urinary infection. They asked me to come in and see the nurse practitioner. Thankfully, my best friend is staying with me to help out and he drove me; because I am not supposed to drive for at least two weeks. I went in, gave a urine sample, had a pelvic exam and my incisions checked. This was a lot more than I was feeling up to and/or expected. After all that, I did not have a urinary infection; but, because of my constipation, (at least that’s what she said) she didn’t want to refill my oxycodone/tyenol medication (similar to a percocet). Instead, she gave me a script for Tramadol. A pill I’ve never been on. After dropping it at the pharmacy to be filled,  I googled it and it had 4 different interaction warnings with meds I was already on. I was scared and called the office venting. After being on hold for what felt like an eternity, they returned to tell me that they couldn’t find any interaction and they called the pharmacy. The pharmacist couldn’t find anything. The office called me back and said I had to print out the info I found and bring it in to the pharmacy and if the pharmacist still had a problem to call them back!!! By this time, I’m feeling very strained. I am upset that they just couldn’t keep me on what was working. They say it’s because of constipation; but, in my mind, I wonder if it’s because of the high addiction rate. There are so many people that abuse these meds, and I understand the medical staff for being cautious; but, I am a woman who is a week and a half into her recovery from a hysterectomy. I am sincerely in fucking pain! Excuse the curse. After trying get my prehistoric printer to work, I sat and cried. I called the office about to let them witness my meltdown, but I was put on hold. I hung up. I asked my friend to drive me to the pharmacist and I pulled up the info on my phone to show the pharmacist. When I got there, the pharmacist kindly assisted me in looking up the info. The interactions were mild, so it was concluded that this pill would be safe to take. My anxiety calmed.

hell

Yesterday morning,  I took the tramadol in place of the other med. An hour goes by, still in pain. Took some ibuprofen. Still in pain. Smoked some herb. Pain is dulled. A few hours later, in pain again, more ibuprofen, a couple of puffs. I had to wait six hours before taking another tramadol. Six hours later, I was curled up on my bed, in infant position and in tears with the pain coming from my vagina. I held myself and let the tears go. Some were from pain, some were emotional. I took a friggin oxycodone/tyenol to relieve myself.

Feeling wiped out, in pain, emotional. I took some melatonin and did some journaling before bed.

The next few days will hopefully bring more healing. I have enough of my old pain pills to take one per day until my post op appointment. I will continue meditation on healing sacred womb space. I will remain calm as possible and know that with every tear and every pain, there is an opportunity to know and understand myself better.  I will trust the process.

Thanks for letting me share 🙂

sharing

 

 

 

 

 

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9 thoughts on “My Rollercoaster Recovery

  1. sending you warm positive calming thoughts , wishing you good health and a speedy recovery, may you find some pain free comfort and relief 😉

  2. Hope you feel better with each new day. Knowing that todays pain will lead you to a pain free tomorrow .
    ❤ ❤ ❤

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