I have battled with depression, anxiety and asthma most of my life; but after my mom’s passing I couldn’t fight anymore. In 2005 I was hospitalized for a mental breakdown and severe asthma exacerbation. Shortly after, my doctor suggested I be placed on disability.
Before my mom’s death, I thought I was a “super woman.” I was working, going back to school in my late 30’s, raising my daughter, trying to resolve my failing relationship, and taking care of my mother through her war with lung cancer. The shattering truth? There is no such thing as “superwoman.”
My road to healing mental illness has had many diagnoses and/or labels; Grief, Agoraphobia, Depression, Anxiety, Bi-polar, ADD, PTSD, to name a few. The loss of my mother was only the beginning of my journey. After the initial grief and trauma of her death; I began to remember and learn things about myself and my life that I wouldn’t have if she were still here protecting me. Abuse (physical, mental and sexual), alcoholism and drugs, are a few traumas that I had buried. The upside of a shattered life is you have the opportunity to put it back together the way you want. The downside is you can’t begin to mend your life until you face what you’ve been running from. I feel like I am out of the darkest part of the tunnel and have my sights set to the other end of the tunnel that holds enlightenment, wisdom, love and victory over my fears. It doesn’t really matter to me how long my journey is, as long as I continue to learn and heal. I presently live with my teenage daughter (who struggles with depression as well), and our three very loving cats.
My dreams are to live healthy, mentally, spiritually and physically. To be a good mother and role model. To maintain everlasting loving relationships with the people in my life. My goals are to be off disability and find my niche in the career field. I love to write and create. I am an animal lover and humanitarian. I hope one day I will be able to give back, to my community and to the Universe.
Everyday I struggle with my illnesses, but the more I learn to love myself and my life, the easier it gets. This blog is a place for me to share, ponder or randomly rant. If I enlighten or inspire along the way than even better!!!
My beautiful daughter and I:)