I have battled with depression, anxiety and asthma most of my life; but after my mom’s passing I couldn’t fight anymore. In 2005 I was hospitalized for a mental breakdown and severe asthma exacerbation. Shortly after, my doctor suggested I be placed on disability.
Before my mom’s death, I thought I was a “super woman.” I was working, going back to school in my late 30’s, raising my daughter, trying to resolve my failing relationship, and taking care of my mother through her war with lung cancer. The shattering truth? There is no such thing as “superwoman.”
My road to healing mental illness has had many diagnoses and/or labels; Grief, Agoraphobia, Depression, Anxiety, Bi-polar, ADD, PTSD and DID, to name a few. The loss of my mother was only the beginning of my journey. While healing my grief, suppressed memories surfaced. Old wounds that needed healing. Abuse (physical, mental and sexual), and alcoholism and drugs to bury it all, made for a pile of unhealed trauma.
The upside of a shattered life is you have the opportunity to put it back together the way you want. The downside is you can’t begin to mend your life until you face what you’ve been running from. I have been working with a trauma specialist for eight years now and using EMDR to help my panic attacks. I feel like I am out of the darkest part of the tunnel and am just starting to see the other end of the tunnel that holds enlightenment, wisdom, love and victory over my fears. It doesn’t really matter to me how long my journey is, as long as I continue to learn and heal.
My dreams are to live healthy, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally, To be a good mother and role model. To maintain everlasting loving relationships with the people in my life. My goals are to be off disability (or at least supplement it) and I am working on finding my niche in the career field. I have completed five herbal apprenticeships, and worked over two years with NHVR on a business course with a success coach. I recently submitted my business proposal and will be launching my very own business making herbal lotions and aromatherapy sprays. I plan on expanding but for now I will just keep moving forward.
I also love to write and create. I am an animal lover and humanitarian. I look forward to the day that I will be able to give back, to my community and to the Universe. I continue to heal myself so that I can in return help heal Mother Earth and all of her beings.
I presently live with my adult daughter (who struggles with mental illness as well), and our four very loving cats. Everyday I struggle with my illnesses, but the more I learn to love myself and my life, the easier it gets. This blog is a place for me to share, ponder or randomly rant. I hope to enlighten people about mental illness and inspire healing!
My beautiful daughter and I:)