Processing the Move

Wow, I am still moving!

My boyfriend is moving back into the house and it’s been nice to have the opportunity to really take my time and sort things; to decide on what I absolutely want to bring into my new life. My daughter and I made a big pile for a future yard sale. I also have some shelving and a few pieces of furniture that I am painting before moving them to my new apartment.

Moving is always emotionally, psychologically and physically draining to me. No matter what the particular circumstances are, it’s a process. There is something to let go of and say goodbye to while simultaneously saying hello to and having to adapt to something new.

I am saying goodbye to:

This big beautiful house and all the beautiful dreams that were supposed to come true here. I thought this would be where my boyfriend and I would grow old together and I would actually use the handicap bars in the bathrooms one day.

Goodbye to the land with all of its natural beauty and the big backyard and all the things I was supposed to plant.

Goodbye to the town of Kingston. It’s only the second time I’ve lived here. The first time was with my mom. We moved to the country from the beach so she could pass in peace. Kingston and I have an estranged relationship.

I’ve only lived in this house for a year; but, I definitely crammed it with several memories of family gatherings and parties. I’ve sat on the screened in porch for hours listening to nature. When my boyfriend and I got separated, I had this haven to heal. Though my reality was shattered. I built a new one.

I admit it was difficult to say goodbye and I’ve shed many sad tears. Also, it was disheartening to go from having so much space to moving into a complex where everyone is right next to each other. The walls are so thin, I could here my neighbor snoring! It has been a difficult transition. A far away voice kept echoing, “What are you doing idiot?”, “Why are you giving up this big ole house?” I replied, because, in the bottom of my gut where my instincts lie; I know it’s the right thing to do. My voices couldn’t argue with that!

I hold the vision and try to trust the process. I keep visualizing the life my daughter and I anticipated, and each day a few more baby steps are made.

I say Hello to a new life!

I welcome and am grateful for the housing assistance that enables me to live on my own and take care of my daughter. It has given me my independence back and a renewed sense of self sufficiency.

I say hello to apartment living where I only have a tiny yard to maintain and maintenance men if anything needs fixing.

I greet the city of Dover, where a short walk downtown, we can go to a museum or a cafe. There is a really cool music and artsy vibe.

I look forward to setting up my craft and writing corner in my room.

I can’t wait to meet the person I will become while living here.

My new life with my daughter is going to kick ass!

The downfall with having so much time to move, has made the transition longer and drawn out; but, although I still have things to move in, I have begun the unpacking phase and settling into my new environment. We have our cats here and the internet if finally connected. I’ve been cooking dinner and packing lunches. I even bought some flowers for our little entrance way. I’d say we are finally in our new home and beginning a new chapter!

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A New Direction

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My life has been in a state of limbo since August; when I came to the conclusion that I could not live with my boyfriend again.

I just moved into this house last December, and now I have to leave.

The dreams and plans my boyfriend and I had together came to a halt.

New dreams and plans of my own revealed themselves to me. A part of me that was sitting on a shelf for so long begged for recognition.

After visiting a social worker I found new hope in being able to sustain myself and my daughter with my disability income.

She kindly place me on a housing program called Bridges. They pay a portion of your rent until your name on the 8 year list for housing comes up.

I’ve been searching and have found nothing in the area I was looking in. I didn’t consider moving out of this area because my daughter is on her second year at her third high school and was doing better.

Ironically, her and I discussed a few weeks ago a school that is in Dover, NH, about 45 min away. C.A.T.A is an art focused community charter high school.

We went to check it out last week. The music classes were in session as they were preparing for their midyear media showcase. In one room, a chorus was singing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, and around the corner there was a teacher with a few students, instructing them how to play Led Zeppelin. I took one glance at my daughter in her Rolling Stones t-shirt and saw light around her.

Needless to say, we are looking in Dover now to live. The rents are cheaper and there is more available, so I don’t think it will be a long search.

Meanwhile, she starts tomorrow and I will make the 45 min drive; because if I have the opportunity to provide my daughter with an environment that she will thrive in; I’d drive across the world for that. To see her actually enjoy and participate these next few years in school will be worth the inconvenience.

So, a bright new direction finally portrayed itself. My life and dreams are a little less in limbo:)