Wake Me Up When September Ends…

September is the anniversary of my mental breakdown.

My mom died in June 2005, and for three months, I was in shock. I worked, went to school, raised my daughter, the busier the better, until BAAAAM!!! Breakdown.

The song, Wake Me Up When September Ends (by Greenday) was released that year. It is about the singer’s (Billy Joe Armstrong) father dying due to cancer. The day of his dad’s funeral, he locked himself into the bathroom. When his mother knocked on the door, he simply stated, “Wake me up when September ends.”

I felt the same…just wake me when it ends. After my breakdown, I spent many days in a lawn chair outside, wrapped up in blankets, staring out to nature. I remember this song resonating with me as the tears finally flowed.

Today I begin my EMDR. I can’t think of a better way to honor this anniversary then to take the next step in my healing process.

Update: Out Straight

Presently I write this post from my sick bed, which comes to me as no surprise, because I have been literally out straight. This month has been so jampacked that even a “normal” person might have had a breakdown.

On April 6th, I finally signed my lease after much running around acquiring paperwork and funds; but, I couldn’t even stop to think about moving, because I had to get ready to leave for Pennsylvania for my eldest brother’s wedding and reception. We were also to celebrate my nephew’s birthday and Greek Easter all in the same weekend.

On April 9th, I planned to leave after my daughter got out of school. There was one more stop. I had finally got a referral from my doctor to a gynecologist for my ovarian cysts. For three years I have been suffering with extreme pain and heavy bleeding. I was not expecting to accomplish much with my first appointment; but, much to my surprise I left there with a scheduled surgery for May 15th. So, with that spinning around in my head, I left to round up family members and head to Pa.

Seven hours later we arrived and we had a wonderful weekend. It had been about twenty years since all six of us siblings have been together in one place. I did overdo on the drinking, but I guess weddings are like that. I packed all the joy in my heart and left on Monday April 13th for my seven hour drive home.

April 16th was my birthday, my daughter had suggested Seussical, one of her friends from school was performing in it and well, I love Dr. Seuss! So of course we went. It was the first time I had been to a theater in years. I had great passion in my younger years for acting and it was nice to reignite that spark.

April 18th, FINALLY, I started to sort and pack boxes. Though Serenity and I camped out a few nights in our new apartment, we had nothing moved in. I spent the weekend packing and moved a few things in.

April 20th, my best friend (and brother in law) came to help me with heavy things. We spent the next few days moving and I got most of my things in. I still had a bunch of sorting and packing. I also had a few pieces of furniture I wanted to paint before I moved them.

April 24th, I went to work at my seasonal job cleaning hotel rooms. My boss had asked me to help open up a few rooms early. In the middle of moving? Why not?

April 25th, 3:00 am, my daughter is wining about her back hurting. I got her the heating pad and an anti-inflammatory. She continued to complain. In my exhaustion, I awoke angrily and had a meltdown. We screamed, cried, talked and hugged. We spent the rest of the day together in her room sorting and packing.

April 26th, neither one of us could move from the bed. I had extreme body pain, headache, stuffy nose, sore throat, cough, chest congestion. You name it! I had it!

April 29th, on the mend and back to the grindstone.

“A Breakdown Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken”

nervous breakdown

“Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.”

 – Graham Parke in “No Hope for Gomez!”

 

Here’s some good advice on getting through breakdowns that I found by Billie Gardner on The Change Blog