Commitment&Consistency

Amazon.com: If you can't fly, then run, if you can't run, then walk, if you  can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving...  Martin Luther King Jr.

If you follow this blog, you already know that I lack in the latter of this post title. Consistency has definitely not been my strong suit. Then again, being a blog of someone who struggles with mental health, I suppose it isn’t a surprise. Consistency is an important element for mental and emotional well being, yet it can be challenging as all hell! To add to the dilemma I never had a firm routine growing up, being a daughter of a single mom. Therefore, it is yet another tool I have to learn or relearn as an adult.

I have been working with a success coach through Vocational Rehab for a little over a year now, her name is Dr. Deborah Osgood and I think I would have given up a long time ago if it weren’t for the support and encouragement from her and my VR caseworker, Lisa Beck, and of course, my therapist and family/friends. The goal is to start my own herbal business; but it is not a simple journey for someone with so many triggers.

The first trouble I had was responding to a “See, Hear, Experience, exercise called Challenging Reality. The worksheet asked you to visit your early life experiences, with questions like, 1) What did you hear about money and rich people early on in your life? 2)What did you see about money and rich people early on in your life? 3)What did you experience with money and rich people early on in your life? I might write a separate post about my answers; but, if you ever read my Being poor post, then you can imagine the feelings these questions brought to the surface. I held a deeply ingrained belief that I would always be poor and unworthy.

FinerMinds - Timeline Photos | Be gentle with yourself, Self talk, Words

It took almost a year to work on rebuilding my lack of abundance&worth mindset. Talk therapy and daily affirmations helped me slowly become more aware of how my thoughts and beliefs affected my reality. Believing you are always going to be poor and unworthy will keep you poor and unworthy. I had to retrain my brain and introduce new thoughts and ideas around money and self worth. Fortunately, the second step of the aforementioned exercise helped challenge those old beliefs and create current views.

I have been working diligently on reforming my routine and trying to ‘do it all’ I am still in herbal school and it is a lot, especially for somebody who has physical limitations and still in mental health recovery. I am learning to juggle, schoolwork, Voc rehab, building a business, health appointments, housework and self management. I have come a long way from my post on My daily battles which were basically just to get up, get moving, get outside and get to sleep!

I get discouraged that I am not further along; but I remind myself that I am doing things every day toward my goals. I often feel I should be doing more, but I know that I am honestly doing my best and mustn’t beat myself up.

Here are some pearls of wisdom and encouragement from Dr. Deb in our email correspondences;

“Congratulations on realizing that you “are and have been” productively working on multiple things all along that are contributing to defining and growing your business.”

“As you shared, homework and intern work definitely counts <smile>. While personal appointments, errands, and housework will also always be part of everyday life, this new perspective and practice simply ensures that your business goals remain a priority as well. 
…and not just a priority, but something to definitely celebrate as you also touched upon – excellent!!!

And I love this last one when I expressed to her that I was worried I wasn’t being consistent enough.

“As for your comment about “having to stay consistent,” I’d like to introduce a different perspective. 
I think I get what you mean in terms of you “have to stay committed to your goal…”, correct?
Even then, I invite you to be true to who you are. You do not enjoy mundane details and routine work. 
You are a loyal and devoted individual to people and causes you believe in. You also thrive on continued growth and are creative and inspirational. (this info is based on the Meyer Briggs personality test that I took on my first appointment with her, I am an INFP) By continuing to create and operate a business model that allows you to leverage these inherent strengths, you will be happy and you will not “have” to force anything.”

This really resonated with me. I realized that while I am still working on improving my ability to be consistent, I can celebrate the fact that I am committed, to my recovery, my health, my family, my goals, my blogs, my business, my education and so on. I can be gentle with myself and allow the flow of life.

Thanks for bearing with me readers, your support means everything! If you have been following long enough then you know that I do always come back. I am committed to this blog and my visions for it. I will be slowly tweaking this blog while building my Beyouthentic blog. Hoping to post at least monthly on both.

If there is anything in particular that you would like to know more about, please let me know.

I hope you are all well during these challenging times!💜

Be gentle with yourself

Monday Motivator!

Happy Monday Everybody:)

For my Monday Motivator this week; I am sharing the lyrics to “I’m not afraid”, by Eminem.

I used to call this my ‘fighting anxiety’ song. I would play it and sing it as loud as I could. It made me feel empowered and not so alone. I highlighted (in purple) my favorite parts.

Just remember, no matter how down you feel and want to give up, you are not alone!

I’m Not Afraid
by Eminem

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, youre not alone
Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road

Yeah, Its been a ride
I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If youre trying to get out, just follow me
Ill get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay em
But you wont take the sting out these words before I say em
Cause aint no way I’m let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say em or do something I do it, I dont give a damn
What you think, Im doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, its gassed up, if it thinks its stopping me
Imma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts dont try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album hes still shittin and
Whether hes on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
Hes married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth hes got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the whole Universe

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
Well walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, youre not alone
Holla if you feel like youve been down the same road

Ok quit playin with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldnt have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know its a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned youre getting capped
And to the fans, Ill never let you down again, Im back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Lets be honest, that last Relapse CD was ehhhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I aint going back to that now
All Im tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I aint playin around
Theres a game called circle and I dont know how
I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t
This fucking black clouds still follows me around
But its time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
Well walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, youre not alone
Holla if you feel like youve been down the same road

And I just cant keep living this way
So starting today, Im breaking out of this cage
Im standing up, Imma face my demons
Im manning up, Imma hold my ground
Ive had enough, now Im so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And dont even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My World, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilitys as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldnt lift a single shingle on it
Cause the way I feel, Im strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause Im raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But Im too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

Im not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
Well walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, youre not alone
Holla if you feel like youve been down the same road

Monday Motivator!

Happy Monday Morning Everyone!

For today’s Monday Motivator, I chose the “Carpe Diem” scene from the movie Dead Poet’s Society. An extraordinary movie, with Robin WIlliams. I get teary eyed every time I see him and think of how he took his life. I guess it makes this scene even more powerful now. 

Seize the day people!!! Life is too short and gone in a blink of an eye~

RIP Robin Williams 😦