After 10 years off of antidepressants, I chose to go back on them. I thought just for the winter but I am not so sure anymore.
Truthfully, I’ve been struggling for a while. I’ve kept busy with herbal apprenticeships and my business course through VR. but not without several little breakdowns and many cries in between.
I had been contemplating medication for months, discussing it with both my doctor and my therapist.
I wanted to try herbal remedies first for the winter depression, but I only made a few and was late in the season making them.
I was teetering.
Then my family pushed me over the edge. Many family members were struggling with their own mental health and it affected me deeply.
I began having suicidal and self-harming thoughts.
Red flag, stop, breathe and evaluate.
Presently I know with all I am that I won’t act on these thoughts; but when my brain starts going there, it is time to get some support.
I realized I could not try to start a business and elevate my life, all while getting caught in the cross-fire of my family, it was just too much.
I felt like I was failing and was ashamed, by going back on meds. Then I remembered that my brain sometimes needs help. That I have a chemical imbalance. That it is okay to get help. That I am still doing the work and moving forward.
I set that shame shit go and am still adjusting; but so far, my focus is better and my depression not quite as severe, and/or for not as long.
Sometimes, recovery and healing is an up and down, back and forth experience.
Learning in layers and spirals can feel like you aren’t getting anywhere, but I know better.
Feeling a tiny bit more stable, I have set boundaries with my family and continue to move forward with my business goals.
Wherever you are at in your journey, know that it’s okay and you are exactly where you need to be❤