What Do We Do With Grief?

 

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Twelve years today,

your spirit whirled away,

far out of reach. 

It took all of these years

to move from the constant grief,

to face the fears

of a life with out you.

To see through the darkness 

that you held the light to.

In my heart the nostalgia sustains.

It’s the memories i keep 

that give me courage to face each day.

It’s been a treacherous journey just to get this far,

I wear proudly on my soul, the scar.

Today I feel that grief again,

like a dam trying to hold the flood

I tense up.

Afraid to feel,

my logic scrambles, how do we cope?

Throw yourself in homework,

paint, create!

Channel the grief for better.

For better my spirit screamed, now that’s just mean!

What do we do with grief?

We feel it,,we let the sorrow in, we honor the loss, we sit with that pain

because reality is, my life will never be the same.

Her smile, laughter and wisdom

are not in the flesh,

yes, she’s with me, but it’s not the same.

It’s not fair, my sadness weeps,

my daughter doesn’t have a grandmother

and its fucking sad, my grief bellows.

I let the flood take over me,

run through me, and fill me.

In the arms of my daughter

I set the tears free.

I am so blessed to have her, 

we are like you and me!

It is true, I have lost part of myself forever,

and it is also truth we are all together.

It’s okay to feel sad

my sorrow whispers.

It won’t consume

like it once had.

A cardinal appears

and I know you are near.

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This cardinal appeared a few hrs ago, right after I finished a good cry.

19429936_10212322039393646_8990911526266190717_n RIP my angel ❤

Sitting on your Birthday

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This morning

I mourn,

sitting with

the memory of

my mom.

The day of her birth

onto this Earth,

playing the tune

of the Cardinal’s song.

Angels dance and celebrate.

I sit with bittersweet fate.

Sending my love

up and out,

beyond the stars.

I sit and weep with

my wounds and scars.

Growth and change,

the season of Fall.

Drenched in pain,

feeling small.

I miss you

sweet mama,

my other half.

Your smile.

Your laugh.

Living in my memories,

you will be

always,

Alive in my

heart and soul,

Today and all days.1376529_10201816702366786_995448202_n.jpg

Moon Goddess Chant

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I saw today’s prompt and just had to share this chant my mother and I wrote one night while sitting at a campfire.

It was sung to her as she was dying.

Tonight’s full moon, I sit with my daughter and my mom.

I pray for all kind, and for myself,

and I will sing this chant:

 

MOON GODDESS

Moon Goddess, 

shine upon us,

take away negativity.

Moon Goddess,

shine upon us,

show us our path meant to be.

Moon Goddess,

shine upon us,

set us free….

So Mote it Be

Sister’s Words

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Sister’s words

are like swords

Slashing and tearing

me from 

my  “therapy throne.”

Deliberately belittling, 

so she didn’t have to

feel alone.

Sister’s words

are like punches

from sibling beatings

that would never end.

Bruised and broken.

Abandoned we were.

She attached herself to me

and I could not keep her safe.

Long and torturous our relationship has been.

Allies and adversaries through the horrors we have seen.

We are enemies and we are friends.

Sisterly love and sibling rivalry.

I must set myself free.

The past has passed,

leave it there.

No matter my actions,

you believe I don’t care.

Sister’s words 

hurt me no more.

The game is over.

Nobody scored.

My love you will always have.

My soul is mine to keep.

Sister’s words

I release…

and gently weep.

 

by Maria Fairbrother (pic credit Words by Nayla Smith)